Everyone knows about writer’s block.  I personally know a great deal (although once I get past the dam, the ideas flow like Niagara).  But since I have been working as an author and the Admin on A Canvas Of The Minds, I have learned about a new form of idea backup – Admin’s Block.

One of the authors suggested a really great and seemingly straightforward to implement idea for that blog.  But for some reason, I spent about five days completely stuck on how to fit it in and best introduce and promote it.  I also had another thought of my own, and while I knew exactly how to integrate it, I just somehow couldn’t.

Then, a bit after a nap yesterday, BOOM, it all came flooding through me like the Falls.  I was literally working on two main pages, six drop-downs, a post and an email to the Canvas bloggers explaining the mishigas all at once.  I didn’t create a new universe or anything.  But it’s my nature.

As I explained to another blogger, I have all of these really great, inspired ideas – no, seriously! – such that I constantly have to prioritize and re-organize and remind myself, Slow down, Ruby.  One thing at a time.  If I try to get it all done at once, well things get so clogged that pretty much nothing gets through, and the little that does doesn’t get due diligence.  It’s a matter of continually breathing very deeply and reminding myself that both Canvas and this blog are projects.  They are ongoing, they are always going to be growing (I hope!), and by their very nature they are dynamic and not static.  New inspirations and suggestions and ideas and dimensions will be constant, and I need to adapt my mindset for that or my brain will explode!

I’m lousy at this and I know it and I’m working on it and I’m trying really hard to establish balance and pacing and boundaries.  These are skills that could make my life so much calmer, were I to hone them, but they are antithetical to me and the way I live.  I dive in headfirst without looking at depth, and if I take something on, I do it all-or-nothing.

Yes, my moods can exacerbate these tendencies, but I think that really they’re legitimate aspects of my personality, not a result of any mental differences (the kind that come with a label and diagnosis).  I am an extremely dedicated, passionate person, and I simply cannot do things by halves, e.g. my kids.  They aren’t mine, biologically or legally, but I never for a moment held myself back or kept myself reserved or them at arm’s length because of that.  I still don’t.  I love them, and that’s something I defy anyone to do – love someone by halves.  You think you can do that?  Guess what, you aren’t actually loving them.

People speak of unconditional love and it baffles me, because there is no other kind.  The minute you put conditions on your love, it ceases to be love.  Uh-oh.  There’s a rant coming on.  I think I’ll shut up now.

Moral of the story:  Find what works for you.

On a tangentially related note, it might appear that I have done away with my Blogroll. I haven’t, not really, but it was getting long so I wanted to organize it some.

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