Category Archives: Being Useful

Why It Matters

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Today, one of my favorite baristas at the Starbucks near my house asked me what I do for work.  Which is not such an unusual question for one person to ask another, but it’s one that has been trending in my life lately.  And I finally realized I want to share my answer with everyone.  There is a reason for me wanting to share it today, but I’ll get to that.

Some of you know, maybe some of you who will read this don’t.  Right now, I don’t do any kind of “work”, not in the conventional go to a job and get paid for it kind of way.  I am on government disability (SSI) for bipolar disorder.  I live with my parents, because I can’t afford to live on my own.  And for a period of long years, not so far back, I needed to live with my parents, because I was so profoundly ill.

Five months ago, I finally reached a state where I can say that I am well.  Not just “okay”, or “doing better”, I have come to an amazing place as far as my mental health is concerned.  I am somewhere I had stopped dreaming I could ever possibly reach.  The last six years of my life have been a hell of medication roulette, therapy, and even the evil electroconvulsive therapy.

Before that there was a period of steep decline, I can’t tell you how long it took before I finally came to a place where I said, “I need help.”  But it didn’t happen in the blink of an eye.

I can’t distill for you what life was like for the six years plus I have just lived through.  My brain has a difficult time conceptualizing it, and I lived it, so I know I couldn’t possibly explain.  Some of you saw me through some of it, and some of you I talked to, or you heard about my life from friends and family.  But the only two people outside of myself who come close to having a grasp on what things were like for me are my mom and dad, because they lived in the same house with me.

Anyway, I don’t want to get into all of that now.  The point is that now that I am doing well, I have gotten inquiries on what I am going to do next, am I going back to school, am I looking for a job, etc. (and not just from baristas).  And let me assure anyone who may have asked that I take no exception to questions like that.  I don’t think you’re pushing and you don’t hurt my feelings.  In fact, I can’t even remember who has asked me these questions, that’s how much they don’t matter.

As far as formal, common society’s definition of “working”, I can tell you that it’s probably going to be a little while before I do that (unless any of my friends Where I Live needs a nanny, that I could totally be on board with).  Yes, I am doing very well now.  But after six years, I’m not exactly going to push myself into something that will be a huge stressor, even a positive one, after just five months.  The way I look at it, I’m convalescing, just as I would if my illness were 100% physical.  I need to build my strength back up and get to fully understand my limitations.

My psychiatrist and I talked about this last week, and one of the things we discussed was volunteer work.  And I expressed to him that I’m not even quite there yet, because you have to be available specific hours, etc.

But that brought us around to what I wanted to write about, and what the title is referring to (yes, all of that was just a preamble).

A year ago today, a very good friend and fellow blogger and I co-founded a site, A Canvas Of The Minds.  The easiest way to explain it to people is as a “community mental health blog.”  Basically, we have gathered together a group of individuals who blog about mental health, and they all contribute pieces to the site.

Some of you have heard me talk about Canvas until you’re sick to death of the topic.  That is, if anyone whom I know outside of blogging reads this, which is what I’m hoping will happen.  And unless you are involved in the blogging community (and especially the mental health sector), you cannot possibly know the degree of support and the many true friendships that are a product of it.  It isn’t “real” or “important” to a lot of people, which I completely get.

Only, here’s the thing.  I pour my heart and soul into Canvas.  No, I can’t “work” right now.  And I’m not ashamed of that fact.  But Canvas allows me so many things that are denied to people who have basically had to retreat from society for one reason or another.  It gives me a way to spend my hours.  It is a creative outlet.  I have formed friendships because of it, both with co-authors and readers (with people all around the world, no less).  Real friendships.  Just because the bulk of our interaction is online, doesn’t take away from the truth of it.

But there’s more.  I am the admin of the site, so that means I am responsible for implementing all the behind-the-scenes stuff.  Ideas come from everyone, but I have to actually do anything major with the site.  Which gives me a sense of responsibility to everyone involved.  It gives me a reason to focus, to meet deadlines, and to think beyond myself.  And it also gives me a sense of pride and worth when someone compliments something I have written or done.

It can also be frustrating to no end.  I started out with practically zero technical know-how.  And even though we have a facebook page and even, recently, a Twitter account, I still am facing a steep learning curve.

But when I think about all we have accomplished in the space of a year, and the important part I played in that, my heart swells.  Because I am doing something that I not only love, but that is benefiting countless people.

So if I seem to go on, or am posting to facebook things from the Canvas page, or telling you something that happened with it when we talk, or asking for you to show your support in some way, stop for a minute and think.  Do you keep what you do all day to yourself?  Would you pass up an opportunity to promote a cause you are passionate about, one that affects you at the most personal level, because you think that it might bore or bother people?  Would you keep to yourself a project you are working on that has been your lifeline, or not talk about all of those who help to make it a reality?

That is why it matters.

© Ruby Tuesday and I Was Just Thinking. . . 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Ruby Tuesday and I Was Just Thinking. . . with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. This work is protected under a Creative Commons Attribution-Non-Commercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

On Being A Bitch

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(I really wanted to first write a post on all the sweet comments and commiserations and sympathy I got from the lovelies who responded to my most recent post, but I guess this needs must come out now.) 

My mother and I were heading upstairs a few minutes ago, her to go to sleep, me, apparently to write this post (though at the time I had no thought nor intention, the fact that I am now hitting the keys with a formed idea tells me it was a forgone conclusion).

Mom said to me, “You’re so sweet.”

I thought about it, and struggled for half a moment, before responding, truthfully, “Sometimes.  Sometimes I’m just a bitch.”

My lovely mother responded with something like incredulity (on my behalf).  ”What, like I’m not ever a bitch?”

You would have to know my mom and me and have been privy to years of us in our most intimate moments to follow the rest of the conversation.  But the gist was about how when my mom is a bitch, it’s in an ‘I’m tired, I’ve had a long day/week/month, I need some space, I’ll snap at you’ way.  Every man, woman, and child had been a bitch like that.  And yes, through the years, she has sometimes upped her game and been a real bitch, but it has been rare.

Even at her worst, though, her most intense, out-of-control-bitch-ness, I don’t think she has ever come close to me (and she agrees, though she loves me much too much to outright say so).  My level of bitch cannot even be explained away as mood disorder related, though on some occasions that has added fuel to the fire.  I am something that there isn’t even properly a word for, when I am a “bitch.”

Because when I am a bitch, I am intense, intelligent, persuasive, subversive, focused, relentless, forceful, and ten million kinds of dangerous.  I could probably do more damage than an H-bomb.  Seriously.  Ask anyone who has known me intimately and at length. Actually, don’t.

I don’t bring out the bitch very much any more.  I keep her in check, because I know well the harm she can do.  She can destroy nations (though her work typically runs on a slightly smaller scale), because she has a pretty spotless history.  All of her crusades have been honest, informed, and honorable.  How powerful is that?  A bitch who only ever fights for causes that are noble and worthy of her faith, and who can stand up to everything that is dished out at her and still walk away without a spot or a stain.  Gives me chills.

Liberty Leading The People ~ Eugene Delacroix

So yes, I have reined in the wrath, and I have learned to wield my power responsibly.  And I have gone from Liberty Leading The People to La Belle Dame Sans Merci. Which has actually brought me full circle in a way that is not worth my words to explain.  

I present, instead, a visual for all of you. I’m not sure whether to be proud of myself or frightened. Probably both.

La Belle Dame Sans Merci ~ Frank Cadogan Cowper


© Ruby Tuesday and I Was Just Thinking. . . 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Ruby Tuesday and I Was Just Thinking. . . with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. This work is protected under a Creative Commons Attribution-Non-Commercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

Unconditional Positive Regard

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Think about that one.  It’s a powerful phrase.  I heard it from my very dear friend and soul sister, Em.  And she used it to describe, of all things, me.

She told me that she always felt she could tell me everything, she never had to hide the things in her life, because no matter what she disclosed, she knew that I would hold her in unconditional positive regard.

I would like to say that it stopped me in my tracks then and there and really made me think.  I’d like to say that, but it wouldn’t be true.  It was more one of those things that simmered in the back of my mind and then one day I really started thinking about it consciously.

I love it because it is pretty much the best thing anyone has ever said about me, and I love it because, you know what, it’s true.  That second thing was also something it took me some time to wrap my head around.

I’m going to tell you a secret.  While I am a fairly secure, confident, positive human being, and I generally feel like I always try to do right by everyone and be the most kind and loving presence I can be, there is a big old bitch that lives in my head that is always niggling me.  She tells me I didn’t do enough, I should have tried harder, I could be so much more. . .

Back to the whole unconditional positive regard thing.  That bitch in my head has not for a moment questioned or contradicted or caused me to doubt that one.  I took some time – okay, about 30 seconds – to think about what it meant and if I felt it was accurate, and guess what?  It is!

I don’t judge people.  It is not in me to do it.  It used to be, and I’m not for a minute denying that I do the superficial snap judgments about people and their too short shorts or their inconsiderate behavior.  I’m not proud that I do it, but I’m working on doing it less.

But when it comes to someone’s actions and behaviors and choices, I honestly do not make judgments.  Neither do I assume I know about things.  Instead, I try really hard to think about the person, the circumstances, human nature, societal pressure, all the factors that might lead a person to do something.

I realize that I am being annoyingly vague.  I’m going to try to fix that.

But here’s my deal.  I have done a lot of things in my life, good, bad, and somewhere in between on the spectrum.  A great many of them fall into the category of things others just can’t understand the reasons for.  I have been criticized, I have been judged, I have hurt people and been hurt by people, and I have lost more than one very close relationship due to a basic factor of misunderstanding.

William S. Burroughs was once quoted as saying, “You don’t need a reason to become an addict.  You need a reason not to become an addict.”  I think about this when I hear people criticizing drug users and others who are classed as scourges of our society.  Because I get it.  I get it all too well.  The only explanation I have for never falling into the classic, textbook behaviors of self-medicating with alcohol, illicit or prescription drugs, or anything that I could get my hands on is that I have too many reasons not to.

But that doesn’t mean I don’t know what it’s like.  That doesn’t mean I haven’t been to That Place, the one where you will do or take or try anything just to escape the torture inside for five goddamned minutes, where you aren’t thinking about the long-term consequences of your behavior or what the risk is or the damage it will do to those you love. You are incapable of thinking about all that.  All you are thinking about is how you can make it through the next hour.

Which brings me back to the whole unconditional positive regard thing.  I know and love people who have pretty much done it all.  Drugs, alcohol, eating disorders, suicide attempts, and a host of other things I will not even put in to words, because they could really destroy some lives.  And I can look at these people and I can love them and I can be there waiting, with my unconditional positive regard, when they need help or someone to confide in.

The people in my life, the ones whom I love more than life can do no wrong, as far as I am concerned.  That doesn’t mean I put on my rose-colored glasses and condone destructive behavior.  But I can always separate the action from the person.  That was something that was so critical to me when I had my girls, to make sure that when they misbehaved I made it very clear that it was the behavior that was bad, not them.

(My proudest parenting moment ever – which I probably wrote about already – was when my eldest little girl recounted to me how her father had told her she was bad, not at all maliciously, mind you, and she had told him back, “NO!  My Ruby says I’m NOT bad!!!”  I’m sure it didn’t create the best father/daughter dynamic in the moment, but when I heard about it I knew she had a good sense of herself and was going to be alright in life.  I think she was all of about three at the time.)

Anyway, I try to be a true friend and talk through the situation, or just listen if that’s what’s needed.  I know that my Em and all of the many others in my life are extraordinary people.  And it feels so amazing to know that Em is right, that she or anyone else I love can confide in me without hesitation, because I do and always will hold them in unconditional positive regard.

Moral of the story:  There, but for the grace of God, go I.

© Ruby Tuesday and I Was Just Thinking. . . 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Ruby Tuesday and I Was Just Thinking. . . with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. This work is protected under a Creative Commons Attribution-Non-Commercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

In 5. . . 4. . . 3. . . 2. . .

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So two days ago (8 September 2011), I had my six month anniversary of when I began this blog with my first post, The ‘Miracle Max’ Moment.  It’s a little different from (but also much the same as) the type of posts I have come to write since.  It’s a bit of a process to get from throwing out a random thought and seeing what happens to it to letting anything and everything fly and not giving a rip who may be reading it and how they may respond.

For the record, I’m proud to have gotten here from there.  And thank you to everyone who reads what I write, and who has been brave enough to subscribe and be inundated with my ramblings on a near-daily basis.  A very special thank you to those who have stuck out my moods and my life, in non-blog interaction (of course), but also specifically among the bloggers I know, and those I ‘kind of’ know.

I am good at times, I comment and reply to comments and give quality feedback on posts on other blogs (I think, anyway).  And then there are the times – recently, for example – that I turn almost completely to myself and my world.  I may read, but I don’t comment.  I may not return emails or reply to comments on this blog for days.  I may struggle to do anything, both online and off.

But this blog has been my lifeline.  Lately, if nothing else I try to make myself post each day.  Sometimes I just fiddle around with the bright work (the behind-the-scenes stuff that usually no one can really pinpoint, but makes the experience better for everyone).  But this thing truly is my baby.

Thanks also to all of the bloggers who have decided to help in painting Canvas with their wonderful Minds.  ;P  Lulu, Always, ManicMuses, Novalee, and Manic Monday - you are all wonderful, and you occupy a special place in my life.  Being the site’s Admin (though not the only one behind the concept, ahem, Lulu) has given me a taste again of something I wasn’t sure if I was ready to handle, and it has done it in such a way as to not overwhelm me, or even really show its true face until I was well past the biggest hurdles (well, we’ll see about the hurdles part).

It has given me a responsibility and accountability to others.  It may not seem like much, and at the moment we’re in a place where there aren’t too many things I need to do in an Admin capacity (except for recruit more bloggers, we really want for you to join your voice to the chorus, everyone).  But there have been other times, with setup and implementing new ideas and contacting bloggers individually and all the various and sundries. . .

In any case, it’s different from writing this here blog in so many ways.  Not just in that I have a responsibility to other people (though I do), but also in that what I contribute there has to be more ‘focused and directed,’ and less ‘rambling whatever’ – the way I write here.  :D  So I am honing my craft as well.

I decided that six months of good, solid work here – I haven’t posted every day, but I averaged it out to 23 posts a month – deserved a reward.  If you are highly observant, you may have already noticed something a little different (and no, not the background color).  If you are a subscriber and are reading this in your inbox, I think you have to actually visit the page for this to work.  It’s alright, we don’t mind waiting for you. . .  Are you here now?  Good.

Now everyone look upward, all the way to the top of your screen, almost. . . look at the search bar. . . look at my address, my URL. . .  Notice anything?  Notice anything missing?

Yep.  I have my own domain, no more .wordpress.com, just .com!

It’s really much more symbolic than anything.  WordPress still hosts my blog, but I feel more now like it is in fact my blog.  It may seem like a baby step, a little tweak at most, and in a way it is.  But in another way it’s a huge leap from where I was.  I inched along in itty bitty bits, but I got so far.

I think the biggest factor involved is the symbolism.  Because doing this was a big, scary thing for me.  It was an acknowledgement that yes, I have done something worthwhile and kept up with it, and it was a sort of vow to myself that I will continue to do what I love and I will grow it and expand it in any way that I can.

Happy girl.  Actually. . .


(This song and video are solely the property of their respective owners and artists. Absolutely no copyright infringement is intended.)

And as it happens, I opened my curtains this morning for the first time in ages, I swear with no conscious motive other than to let in the light.  I thought in the moment it was pure practicality, but it makes me wonder now.

Moral of the story:  I am Ruby.  See me shine.

(And in case you’re confused or concerned, you can still enter in my old address with the .wordpress.com and it will re-direct you here.)

© Ruby Tuesday and I Was Just Thinking. . . 2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Ruby Tuesday and I Was Just Thinking. . . with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. This work is protected under a Creative Commons Attribution-Non-Commercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

Admin’s Block

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Everyone knows about writer’s block.  I personally know a great deal (although once I get past the dam, the ideas flow like Niagara).  But since I have been working as an author and the Admin on A Canvas Of The Minds, I have learned about a new form of idea backup – Admin’s Block.

One of the authors suggested a really great and seemingly straightforward to implement idea for that blog.  But for some reason, I spent about five days completely stuck on how to fit it in and best introduce and promote it.  I also had another thought of my own, and while I knew exactly how to integrate it, I just somehow couldn’t.

Then, a bit after a nap yesterday, BOOM, it all came flooding through me like the Falls.  I was literally working on two main pages, six drop-downs, a post and an email to the Canvas bloggers explaining the mishigas all at once.  I didn’t create a new universe or anything.  But it’s my nature.

As I explained to another blogger, I have all of these really great, inspired ideas – no, seriously! – such that I constantly have to prioritize and re-organize and remind myself, Slow down, Ruby.  One thing at a time.  If I try to get it all done at once, well things get so clogged that pretty much nothing gets through, and the little that does doesn’t get due diligence.  It’s a matter of continually breathing very deeply and reminding myself that both Canvas and this blog are projects.  They are ongoing, they are always going to be growing (I hope!), and by their very nature they are dynamic and not static.  New inspirations and suggestions and ideas and dimensions will be constant, and I need to adapt my mindset for that or my brain will explode!

I’m lousy at this and I know it and I’m working on it and I’m trying really hard to establish balance and pacing and boundaries.  These are skills that could make my life so much calmer, were I to hone them, but they are antithetical to me and the way I live.  I dive in headfirst without looking at depth, and if I take something on, I do it all-or-nothing.

Yes, my moods can exacerbate these tendencies, but I think that really they’re legitimate aspects of my personality, not a result of any mental differences (the kind that come with a label and diagnosis).  I am an extremely dedicated, passionate person, and I simply cannot do things by halves, e.g. my kids.  They aren’t mine, biologically or legally, but I never for a moment held myself back or kept myself reserved or them at arm’s length because of that.  I still don’t.  I love them, and that’s something I defy anyone to do – love someone by halves.  You think you can do that?  Guess what, you aren’t actually loving them.

People speak of unconditional love and it baffles me, because there is no other kind.  The minute you put conditions on your love, it ceases to be love.  Uh-oh.  There’s a rant coming on.  I think I’ll shut up now.

Moral of the story:  Find what works for you.

On a tangentially related note, it might appear that I have done away with my Blogroll. I haven’t, not really, but it was getting long so I wanted to organize it some.

© Ruby Tuesday and I Was Just Thinking. . . 2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Ruby Tuesday and I Was Just Thinking. . . with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. This work is protected under a Creative Commons Attribution-Non-Commercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

I Don’t Know Why I Feel This Way

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But someone whom I respect tremendously (and have a bit of a crush on – yes, still, and forever) has kindly offered a medium to explain at least the way I feel for me so’s I can give my overloaded brain some respite.


(This song and video are solely the property of their respective owners and artists. Absolutely no copyright infringement is intended.)

(And anyone who knows anything about me knows how crucial it is to me that he introduced the bass player/vocalist.)

Moral of the story:  “Give your ears a chance.” ~ My maternal grandfather and most kindred spirit, heart of my heart, soul of my soul

© Ruby Tuesday and I Was Just Thinking. . . 2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Ruby Tuesday and I Was Just Thinking. . . with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. This work is protected under a Creative Commons Attribution-Non-Commercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

Inspiration To Take On Yet Another Project (Of A Sort)

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Or, ‘I Know, I Do It To Myself’

Some interesting things happened while I wasn’t paying attention.  I got older and so did my babies.  I’m not really that old, I’m roughly around the third decade of life.  And my babies – well, they’re eight and eleven, which to me is hard to wrap my head around as I met them when they were days old.

In case you missed it, my babies are neither biologically nor legally my own.  I was a nanny, but they are the only kids I will ever have, and I love them every bit as much as I would had I birthed them.  Trust me on that one.  Also, because it’s relevant, they’re both girls.

Thing is, even though I don’t have them in my care full-time anymore, I still want to do everything I can to help them navigate the challenges life throws at them.  And I also think I have a very unique and special opportunity to play an important role in their lives, because we have a bond that is similar to parent/child in some ways, but now that they’re older it’s turned a lot more into a friendship.

Do you have any idea how immensely beneficial that could be?  For them to have an adult in their life who has known them forever, whom they trust and are comfortable talking to, who won’t judge or punish, who will keep their secrets, who will talk with them openly and honestly, and whom they might feel more comfortable discussing certain things with than they would their parents?

I am not trying to take over the role of parent or make Mom or Dad obsolete.  I hope that they both feel they can always turn to their parents, first and foremost.  But let’s face it, different adolescent and teenage girls have different comfort levels talking about certain things, there are different dynamics involved when you talk to a parent than someone you think of as a friend (albeit a much older one), and I am not so old as to have forgotten there were definitely things I was never comfortable mentioning to my parents.  That’s just how it goes.

The other part is that a general paradigm shift occurred as my girls and I got older.  I went from being the typical, bugged by teens as a group and their perceived lack of awareness of the world around them adult to a curious observer who was intrigued, and wanted to know what they thought and what they faced in their lives and what interested them and distressed them and made them happy.  I want to know about pressure and insecurity and role models and how they feel about the lives they live.  What is their relationship with their parents like?  How young do they really start to think seriously about sex, and when and why do they have it for the first time?  What about fashion and media and trends and everything?

But how do I go about finding this kind of stuff out?  I don’t want to get a degree in psychology and become a counselor, I just want to talk to teenagers, especially the female ones, in groups and one-on-one and figure out their world.  But you can’t just go up to a group of teen girls and introduce yourself and say, “Hey, tell me all about your most secret dreams and fears and hopes and desires.”  Creepy much?

I don’t know a single teenager.  I need an “in.”  I did some cursory surfing of blogs here on WordPress and didn’t find much.  So tell me, what do I do?  How do I go about this?  Does anyone reading this have any resources for me?  Do any of you have teenage or tween daughters (or nieces, or cousins, or anythings) that you could send this link to?  Are any of you who are reading this serendipitously teenage girls?

Help me out, for me and for my babies.  And if you are a parent or a counselor or anyone who could direct me towards groups for teenagers or even a single individual but want reassurances that I’m not a weird, creepy troll, email me at mywonderfulabnormalmind@gmail.com.  I will forgo certain rules I have on this blog as far as anonymity in private correspondence if you can help me to help be a resource to my girls.  Ask and I will answer.

Moral of the story:  Sometimes the best way to find help is to flat-out ask for it.  I know, novel concept.

© Ruby Tuesday and I Was Just Thinking. . . 2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Ruby Tuesday and I Was Just Thinking. . . with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. This work is protected under a Creative Commons Attribution-Non-Commercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

55. Never Index Your Own Book

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I’ve been going completely mad.  I haven’t written anything in three days – maybe I did for Canvas, I don’t know, I honestly cannot remember and I’m not checking dates.  The aforementioned venture is going to be my death, I swear it.  Until I can form something worthwhile, here are some thoughts.

Categories:  I decided since I was contributing to a blog about mental differences, I should try to make it easier for readers from there to find the posts I wrote here specifically dealing with my crazies.  There is now a widget on the right for categories and all post have been “categorized” and “cross categorized” and “re-categorized.”  It took me two days straight, there are over 200 categories in various hierarchies, and I probably made things more confusing for the reader.  I also wanted to kill myself by about halfway through.  That’s what happens when you take a mind like mine and try to make sense of it to other people.

F.U.N:  I made a page of sites and things that I find beautiful, amusing, intriguing, and funny.  There isn’t much on there right now, but that’s because I’m snobbish about what I promote.  Check it out anyway - F.U.N. (the main page) and My Version Of F.U.N. (the page with the actual links).

Informational:  I am working at this section, but there is a crapload of stuff I want to add and include, and it I will more than likely keep expanding it, even after I’ve decided I’m finished.  It’s paltry for now, but too much tedium makes me feel like my soul is dying.  I’ve got Informational, the main page, which pretty much says what I just did but incredibly concisely; Definitions, the first drop-down – reallllly not much there, but some day when I have a little patience and am not on a deadline, it’s going to be my very own mini-dictionary and something beautiful to behold; Clinical Shorthand, the second drop-down, just look at it, it explains itself; Books, third drop-down and the section I will enjoy most, once I expand it, and its only section right now, Resources For Parents And Caregivers; and finally Links, the fourth drop-down.  Everything is still embryonic, but I take personal pride in all that I put up on this site, so there is much investigation and expansion to be done.

Intellectual Property And Copyrights:  This is my official PSA.  You need to protect any work that you put online as much as possible.  People will plagiarize, people will re-word your work – usually very obviously and badly – people will do all sorts of shit when they lack any actual talent or originality themselves but want to pretend like they have something worthwhile and interesting to offer.  If you blog on WordPress, here is your page for one stop shopping:  Prevent Content Theft — Support — WordPress.com.

And finally (for now), thank you.  All of you lovely, wonderful people reading this have stuck by me through madness, distraction, neglect, confusion, and so much more.  I can’t express to you how much that means.  I love you all.

Moral of the story:  Here’s something to make you hurt and hopefully change your life for the better.  It has mine.  


(This song and video are solely the property of their respective owners and artists. Absolutely no copyright infringement is intended.)  

Tell people.  Tell everyone you know, every day of your life, how important they are and what they mean to you.  You never know if you will have another chance, and I often think the things we always meant to say are the saddest things in life.

© Ruby Tuesday and I Was Just Thinking. . . 2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Ruby Tuesday and I Was Just Thinking. . . with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. This work is protected under a Creative Commons Attribution-Non-Commercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

Do You Remember When I Used To Blog?

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Okay, it really isn’t that bad.  But I’ve been working hard on this new project, A Canvas Of The Minds, trying to recruit more voices and get out all of the bugs and actually write something for it here and there, and it seems I let my own blog fall a bit by the wayside. It hasn’t been that long, but it’s been too long for me.

I need to hurry up and get someone to pay me for the things that I write, because it has been taking up so much of my time.

But I have had some really good things come from all of this mishigas.  I’m connecting with people in a way I never would have, otherwise.  I’ve been (kind of) learning to write in HTML, which may not seem like much to the casual observer, but considering how little I used to know or really care to know about computers, it’s a pretty big deal.  It’s given me a way to focus my energies and – well I don’t want to say mentor people, because that just sounds sort of big sister/pretentious to me.  I guess maybe recruit and encourage some people who have good talent and important things to say, and just never would have found a voice or venue otherwise.  I’m not sure about that part, we’ll have to see, mostly it’s still in the works (ahem).

It has also been a really positive thing for me, because it has taken my focus and turned it more outward, at least somewhat.  I’m not saying that I still don’t have a great deal of work to do on myself, and that the very concentrated time being hyper-focused inward wasn’t necessary and important, but I think I hit the point where it was really a good thing to start working through everything and doing self-therapy the way I’ve always done it best – by looking at and doing what I can for other people who are struggling.  Not even just people who are struggling, as such, but people who could use some direction, guidance, or even just a nudge or a new idea or encouragement.

I guess that having been so mired down in myself, it’s really a wonderful feeling to once again turn outward and notice the rest of the world and how I might be useful and good for them, even just a very little bit at a time.

Plus, since this whole experience requires making commitments to other people, but they’re people who understand where I’m at personally and are very kind, while there is an obligation to others, it isn’t the kind you have if you’re in a traditional work environment with deadlines, or even if you’re a parent who has to get the baby fed and bathed and dressed.  Although I really, really do miss those days.  I still remember the smell of baby, fresh from the bath. . .

Things have been nice and much less stressful because I’ve had the house to myself, as well (that ends soon).  Also, I have something really exciting and positive to look forward to in the very near future.  Oh.  And of course I’ve been watching loads of iCarly.  ;)

Moral of the story:  (I feel so out of practice at this part) I haven’t gone anywhere, and I’m sure my fingers will be flying across the keys for this blog as frequently as usual soon.  But I’ve found all sorts of new ways to help myself feel better, so be happy for me!

© Ruby Tuesday and I Was Just Thinking. . . 2011. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Ruby Tuesday and I Was Just Thinking. . . with appropriate and specific direction to the original content. This work is protected under a Creative Commons Attribution-Non-Commercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.