I have some thank yous to say to fellow bloggers, thank yous that I ought to have said a long time ago.  Well, better late than never, right?

First, I want to express my most heartfelt thanks to fracturedangel, who writes The Mirth of Despair.  This is a wonderful blog for all of you to check out, and truly deserves to be called versatile.  It addresses mental health, showcases wonderful fiction writing, and is beautiful and heartbreaking to read.

Next comes my wonderful friend, LUNASUNSHINE, who is the mind and voice behind As the Pendulum Swings.  She too writes about her experiences dealing with mental illness, her experiences dealing with life as a human being, her family, her work, and so many other things.

And here I also very much want to include boldkevin, the incredible “voice” behind Voices of Glass.  His blog is one I don’t know quite as well, and I am grateful to have the opportunity to explore further.  It deals with the journey of mental illness, and the strength God has given him.

Why am I thanking these three bloggers?  Well, all of them saw fit to nominate me for The Versatile Blogger award.

I am honored by this, but I will admit that I am also confused, and not really sure that I am deserving of such a designation.  I don’t know that my blog is particularly versatile.  After I took my time off, I came back and reread a lot of what I had written.  The prevailing themes I found, especially in my recent posts, were pain and anger.  I did so much lashing out, and wrote many posts I am not especially proud of. In fact, I cringe to read them.  But I made a conscious decision to leave them up, and to keep them public (well, nearly all of them).  Various forms of mental illness can really fuck you up, can turn you into a person you never thought you could be, and you never want to be again.  But it would be disingenuous of me to hide that time, to deny that I ever was that person and that I went through that struggle.

All I can do is move forward in a (hopefully) more positive manner, to show you lovelies who read this that it is possible to emerge from that ugly place.

So I hope the three bloggers who were kind enough to nominate me will understand that, while I am so appreciative of their thoughtfulness and respect, I don’t really feel now like I can rightfully call myself a “Versatile Blogger,” nor can I put the energy towards choosing blogs to bestow it upon myself.  There are so many that are deserving, but I will not do something like this halfway, and unfortunately I am not at a place where I have the ability to do it all the way.

Next we come back to the wonderful LUNASUNSHINE, and her inspired and brave project, Blog for Mental Health 2012.  She even designed a lovely badge for it, and you really should take the time to check it out, if you haven’t seen it already.

I cannot tell you how fantastic I think this idea is (and I am not the only one, it has spread like wildfire across the blogosphere), but. . .  Yes, honored though I am that my dear friend had pledged me, this too fills me with conflict and ambivalence.

The fact is, I am not a mental health blogger, with the exception of my contributions to A Canvas Of The Minds.  Obviously I detail my struggles here as well, but I never wanted this blog to be mental health centric (for further information and explanation, check out my page My Brand Of Crazy).  In some ways I feel like I am letting down a very dear friend, but I just will not call myself a mental health blogger, at least not here.  It isn’t good for me, and I know that Lulu will understand and realize that I am still so proud and supportive of what she has started.

And, finally, my dear LUNASUNSHINE has done it again. . .  This one actually made me cry.  She has given me the honor of the Liebster Blog Award.

I have seen many variations on the exact meaning of this one, but having taken years of German, I am satisfied in telling you that the root of this word is love.  What more do you need to know?

So, since I am pretty much all over the place about my relationship to these awards, the very least I can do is make a list linking to the original posts, so that you can read more about the wonderful bloggers who nominated me, and also about the other blogs they found worthy of these designations.

The Versatile Blogger:
Versatile Blogger Award | The Mirth of Despair
Me? A Versatile Blogger?! « As the Pendulum Swings
Yay an award! Now that is a blessing and somewhat bemusing! « Voices of Glass

Blog for Mental Health 2012:
Blog for Mental Health 2012 « As the Pendulum Swings

Liebster Blog:
My Liebster Blog Award « As the Pendulum Swings

Moral of the story:  Blessings and kindness abound when you least expect them.  And happy reading, everyone.

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