“Wanna cry for you
Would it do any good
If I rained for you
It would just be water
And the nights with you
And the storms in your head
And you’re down, and you’re down
And I can’t lift you

I’ll give you my heart, give you my shoulder”

~ Heather Nova – ‘Heart and Shoulder’ ~

So by now you should know I love to tell my story with songs.  And by now I know that links often don’t get clicked (and honestly I’m a bit hazy about the ethics of inserting a video into a post).

This song, though. . . I remember listening to it, a million years ago it seems, though more accurately it was about 14.  I had a friend who was going through some shit, and this always made me think of that friend and my utter impotence to affect the situation.

Fast-forward to about three weeks ago.  I’m in the dark, lying in my bed sleepless, completely mad, with my music as my only companion, the one thing that could walk with me through the hours-long minutes and shield me from the worst places in my head.  Or, failing that, accompany me to them and see that I made it out intact.

And I heard this song.  And I thought, ‘I wonder if this is what it feels like to love me and watch me go through what I do.  Feeling utterly powerless, thinking that nothing you do could possibly help me.’

If I’m at all right on this one (and I know that I am), let me tell you something.  Having individuals in my life who love me, who have their own lives but care enough to keep up with mine, and whom I know are going to be there forever, no matter how crazy I may be, no matter what I go through. . .  I realized not so long ago what that truly means, to me personally.  The people on the front lines of the war that is my life get a lot of credit and thanks and gratitude, and rightly so, because they deserve it.  But so do all of you deserve it.  I don’t know but I would have been a million times lost were it not for your continued, ever watchful, loving presence in my life.

Thank you.

Moral of the story: “A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.” ~ Bernard Meltzer

(Any inaccuracies in lyric transcription are, of course, mine. I should be asleep right now, you know.)

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